Zombies Offended By MO Dept. of Conservation Hoax


Undead protest planned in Jeff City

Springfield, MO – Scores of Ozarks walking dead community were offended by the Missouri Department of Conservation this week and their use of an internet hoax aimed to raise awareness around general safety and conservation messages. The hoax involved a fake alert that Missouri is experiencing an invasion of species alert centered around zombies seen here.
“It really pathetic dat people do not ‘preciate zombie,” said 50 year old Hans-Merrger, “zombie be in Ozarks loooooong time and not like make fun of.” Local zombies have banded together to lead an anti-protest rally against the slight and have forming an awareness group called B.R.A.I.N.Z. or Bring Revolution Against Injustices Not Zombies.

Members of B.R.A.I.N.Z. are planning a walking dead march October 31st on the capitol in Jefferson City. “Mahhh!, Mahhh! Braaaaaains!” seems to be the rally cry painted on posters and placards and screamed by angry zombies between bouts of labored breathing, choking, and moaning.

Scientist Nick Crudonger said, “A deceased human being who has partially returned to life due to undeterminable causes shouldn’t have to endure undue mental strain or persecution. The rotting bodies of the undead operate on a fraction of the level at which our bodies normally function, so care should be exercised when interacting with this population. Zombies were people too.”

Experts suggest that the duration of the protest could last for some time. “The undead are incapable of fatigue and will persist at any cost. They will even crawl when their legs have been removed. Even if the head is removed from the body, it will continue to live,” said Neil Onmahead, a Zombie social worker.

Should the demonstration get out of hand, officials plan to decapitate the recently departed, and burn their corpses to prevent reanimation.

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