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Sertoma Cook-Off Tsunami Fart Cloud Warning Issued

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Fart tsunami to engulf city

Springfield, MO – The National Weather Service of Warning Alerts has issued a level 5 red-hot stinky Fart Cloud Warning effective immediately. The coming Sertoma Chili Cook-off is planned for this weekend and all area citizens are encouraged to take immediate cover to prevent exposure to the terrible anus-produced cloud that is anticipated after the event.

Emergency management spokesman, F. Art Enmunose said, “Ozarkers need to seek cover immediately. The Sertoma Chili Cook-off has produced torrential fart cloud storms in the past and we anticipate record attendance at this years’ event, which would correlate with our predictions for an enormous fart cloud tsunami rolling over the Ozarks Plateau.”

A tsunami fart cloud has never been seen on this world but is estimated to be as powerful as snownados, hurriqueefs, and more dangerous than baconstreak straight line winds. The rolling thunder of gas is expected to engulf the upper-atmosphere and come striking down upon the surface of the Earth expanding out hundreds of miles.

“I’ve secured my home with car air fresheners and bottles of Febreze. I’m not gonna take this poop cloud lightly. I’ve also installed new filters in my vents and boarded up my windows. This chili cook-off was a great idea when it wasn’t so popular. Now so many people attend it is a health hazard,” said Yen Juli of Ravenwood South.

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  1. Dave says:

    They need off duty airport security personnel to volunteer to take cigarette lighters away from teenagers entering the cook-off premises. A little mischief could make the place look like the Hindenburg.

  2. Jen says:

    I ordered my gas mask after last years gas cloud. Hopefully I won’t be too drunk to remember to put it on.