Facial Follicle Fashion Competition This Weekend!

Woman placing a moustache finger on her lip

Springfield, MO – For those fascinated with facial follicle fashion, get ready to face some serious competition! Competitors from around the Ozarks are gathering at Patton Alley Pub this Saturday to prove that their genetic coding has superior follicle frolicking. Queen City Beards hosts the event and expects several male and female entries this year.

“If women can grow facial hair they can participate in the Bearded Lady category, the Stache Chic category or the Unibrow category. If they are follicly-challenged, we also have a fake beard/moustache category. Most fakers draw a moustache on their finger and hold it on their face, wear a costume beard or permanently tattoo their upper lip,” said an event organizer.

One entrant on the male side has spent years preparing for the event by growing one single hair that is extremely long and can be woven in between stubble in a basket weaving configuration. “It’s great, I have one super long hair that can be arranged on my face in any given style: if I’m going to the game, I can fashion it into a baseball, if it is an evening at a restaurant, I can make a fish or steak, if I’m looking for love I can make a heart with cupids arrow. It is very versatile!” said Hank Jistapiece of Buffalo, MO.

Among others, the event will be judged by local meteorologist Tom Trtan who has been officially banned from entering the competition because his moustache is legendary and could never be beaten by any mortal man.

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