Springfield, MO- With Excel Auto under fire for various violations such as, odometer tampering and trading out bumpers to mislead customers about the make and models of cars, many other car dealerships are coming clean with their tactics.
“Ok, I admit,” says Stanly Sleaze of Sleazy Motors, “I don’t even really sell cars. Most of them are just donkeys covered with plywood boxes. I got the idea from the Flintstones. THE FLINTSTONES!” He then broke down in tears.
Sleaze then admitted to also: running the odometer’s backwards by making the back wheels in reverse (idea gotten by Ferris Bueller’s Day Off), stealing numerous cars in one night then selling them the next day (idea from Gone in Sixty Seconds), and claiming the his cars were once owned by Jon Vought (idea stolen from Seinfeld).
Sleaze was not the only manager to confess to “do anything” for a sale. Jason Doubledeal admitted to selling cars he knew had hamster spinning wheels instead of engines, and taping extension cords to the back of cars as he claimed they were electric. Hector Harm told FCN he used to tint car windows with spray paint and convinced all his customers that DeLoreans came equipped with time traveling flux capacitors.
The worse tactics where used by a source who not only wanted his name not to be mentioned, but who would only met in a shadowy parking garage.
“Once I sold a school bus to a well know school district when I knew full-well the bus had trouble with steering, breaking, and was also possessed by an evil sprite similar to Stephen King’s “Christine”. Those kindergartners never had a chance. The shady car dealers say they are going to fly straight for at least the next six minutes.
Filed Under: Crime
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