Naked Man Found in Clothing Donation Bin

Just looking for some free duds

Springfield, MO – This past Tuesday a totally naked man was found hiding inside a clothing donation bin waiting for a nice-fitting outfit to drop in on him. After a quick database search the man was identified as Larry Lapp, who has a history of gambling.

Police officer Gabby Rook said, “We found Lapp inside the clothing bin. I guess he lost his clothing in a bet and had nothing to wear so he chose to jump into a nearby hut.” Reports reveal that Lapp searched through the clothing and found nothing in his size.

“Yeah, they’s lots of kids stuff and women’s stuff, but nothing that could fit me or match my style. I was really ready to settle for a nice Hawaiian shirt and some gym shorts but I got really hot in there – had to prop the door open for air,” said Lapp.

Abigail Filgum spotted Lapp after she threw in a bag of shoes which was greeted with a loud grunt, “I looked in expecting to see a raccoon, but it was a totally naked man! I mean really!” Filgum called the authorities immediately while Lapp made a run for it while screaming “I bet you a pair of pants I can outrun the police!”

Filgum was surprised to see Lapp cross Glenstone effortlessly before tripping over the curb landing face first into the grass legs up in the air. “It was ugly. I guess it was bad luck. He just stayed there moaning until the cops arrived. I put a Disney princess blanket over him from the donation bin.”