Springfield, MO – The National Weather Service has confirmed that a gigantic snowman stretching 2-miles high, has been responsible for the farting snowflakes over the Ozarks this week. The sputtering of snow began after the lumbering 10,560 foot ate some bad shrimp during its journey from North Texas to the East Coast.
The NWS, tasked with providing forecasts and public warnings, to organizations and the public for the purposes of protection, safety, and general information was reluctant to admit the origin of the crippling weather but finally decided now was the right time to come clean. Spokesperson Niles Grabbit said, “we’ve been tracking huge snowman movements for years, decades even. Most extreme winter weather conditions can be tied to some type of snowman activity.”
Grabbit went on to explain origins for the Blizzard of 1888 (snowman chasing a horse), the Cleveland Superbomb of 1978 (drunken snowman vomiting after celebrating Browns loss) and the St. Louis Blizzard of 1982 (snowwoman’s sneezing fit after consuming rare spice on the Hill).
The current extreme weather warning is expected to continue until the snowman, named Charles (all snowman storms are named once tracking begins), recovers from the food poisoning acquired last week but locals can look forward to Charles moving out of the area soon as he carried his bloated self across the region.
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