MSU Provost Finally Exacts Revenge

Finnegan, mastermind behind 37-year revenge

Finnegan, mastermind behind 37-year revenge

Springfield, MO – In what’s being labeled as “an act thirty seven years in the making”, Missouri State University Provost and Vice Chairman of Bureaucratic Affairs Manfred Finnegan is being hailed as both “a visionary in the art of revenge” and “possibly the worst person to ever exist” as a result of his decision to close down the better part of Grand Street for repairs as the school year begins. “Oh, let me tell you, I’ve waited a long, long, long time for this”, he gleefully chortled to this reporter as he described his intricately detailed plans to slow traffic, in his words, “way the hell down.”

Almost two decades ago, while a young undergrad at then-Southwest Missouri State University, Finnegan had his nose into a textbook on governmental affairs as he attempted to cross Grand Street and was sideswiped by a ’73 Barracuda being, in his words, “hot-rodded by a gang of frat-boy hooligans”.
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“I vowed that very day, after picking my books up out of the gutter, that I would one day rise to a position of power where it would be ME, calling the shots on campus. And in my first act, I would slow all of those ne’er-do-wells down. And you know what? I’ve done it. I’ve finally done it! I ask you….who’s your Provost Daddy? Who? Manfred Finnegan is, that’s who; you write THAT down!”

He has no plans to open up the street anytime soon.

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