All Entries Tagged With: "Human"
Animal Suspension Featured at SGF Arts and Tattoo Festival
Springfield, MO – Continuing today at the Ozarks Empire Fairgrounds, the Springfield Arts and Tattoo Festival will feature several spectacles including live animal suspension demonstrations, open to the public. Parrots, guinea pigs, and cute widdle puppies will be jabbed with sharp hooks and hung 5-12 feet into the air for pure spiritual enlightenment rarely enjoyed […]
Evangel Guards Go Beyond God’s Armor
Springfield, MO— Evangel is the first university in the Ozarks to add lethal weaponry to their arsenal of first line defenders. For years the university had relied upon pieces of God’s Armor for protection, however, now the security officers are allowed to pack man-made heat. The University first bestowed crime-fighting technology upon its protection force […]
ZooDoo Program Inspires YouDoo Sales
Sparta, MO—Inspired by The Dickerson Park Zoo’s ZooDoo program, Herb Langford will begin taking reservations for YouDoo — composted Homo sapiens manure — on Friday. The cost is $12 per bucket. A normal pickup truck load is between eight and ten buckets. Customers can request smaller sizes but are asked to bring their own Tupperware […]
Corbett Lawfirm Responsible for Pencil Property Damage
Springfield, MO— The phrase “Ah sir, they’ve hired Corbett Lawfirm” has been responsible for pencil breaks across the Ozarks. Initially thought to indicate that the case will be a snap to win against Corbett Lawfirm, sources close to the firm maintain that anger, fear, frustration and uncertainty are the human emotions tapped by the magical […]
Auto Magic To Hire Elves for Holidays
Springfield, MO—Local automatic car wash company Auto Magic plans to hire a new breed of employee for the holiday season and are reaching out to elves. Elves, a race of divine or semi-divine beings are endowed with magical powers, which they use for the benefit of mankind, said a company official. We feel that our […]
