Showboat Branson Belle Held Ransom By Pirates

Branson, MO—Pirates seized the Showboat Branson Belle on Monday evening. The bold hijacking has heightened fears about the surging piracy and low-seas terrorism on Table Rock Lake.

Captain Shad Owing the IV was tossed off the back of the ship onto the paddlewheel when the vessel left the pier under pirate control. “How could they have known we were a profitable target,” he said, “the only time I mentioned our valuables was to the reporter covering the possibility of pirates in our area.”

Pirates reportedly read the possibility of pirates story published yesterday at this publication. When local officials reached the pirates to negotiate, pirate leaders clearly wanted to thank the captain for his tip. “Dat man give us a great idea,” stated Abdehl Wali-u-Musie, pirate.

According to initial reports, most Showboat passengers did not realize the ship was really under attack and considered the invasion part of the entertainment. Mary Hulter said, “It was lots of fun seeing them swing through the windows of the boat. However, I got a bit suspicious when my plate exploded from a ricocheted bullet.”

So far, no one has been injured and the pirates claim to keep the peace as long as the band a top the Showboat continues to play Yo Ho Ho (and a Bottle of Rum).

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