MJ’s Memorial Ceremony For Springfield Man a Thriller

Springfield, MO—Tom Garrett, a man from Springfield, is one of a million fans who registered to attend Michael Jackson‘s animatronics stunt double’s memorial ceremony in Los Angeles and won tickets to attend the event.

In a stunning announcement, Jermaine Jackson, in an interview with Today Show host Matt Lauer, revealed that Jackson faked his death after a Pepsi commercial gone wrong in 1984 to avoid his father’s overbearing personality. He subsequently decided to stay out of the limelight and commissioned a robotic clone to replace him onstage and in public appearances. The clone suffered damage over the years and required massive reconstruction, adding to the unnatural feel of the personification.

When told the news, Tom Garrett said “WTF!? The main reason for registering to go to the memorial was for my 10-year-old daughter, Jeris, who is a big Michael Jackson fan. Not a weird robot fan.”

It is rumored that Jackson has been living with John Lennon of the Beatles and Elvis Presley in Presley’s Graceland home’s basement, collaborating and writing music for the past 25 years. Presley confirmed that a secret bullet train tunnel was built by the Secret Service in the 80′s connecting Graceland to Neverland.

Several of the super-groups hits include records on multiple labels over the past three decades for several artists including Pearl Jam, U2, Dave Matthews Band, the Cure, Oasis, Usher, Stevie Wonder and Justin Timberlake. The trio plan to announce a worldwide summer tour in 2010 under the banner “The King of Pop Rocks!”.

Lennon says he came up with the title while considering the combination of “the King”, the “King of Pop” and rock music proved to be too much and solidified the deal with a sponsorship from Pop Rocks candy and Coca-Cola. Stage effects will feature the two products in combination shooting into the sky.

Tom Garrett was last seen shaking his head, trying to comprehend the magnitude of the day’s events. “No wonder, this explains a lot, the superhuman dancing, the plastic face, the robotic voice…all of this makes us feel so much better,” he said then spun in place, moon walked across the room and screamed “tee-hee!” after grabbing his crotch.

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