Local Gentlemen’s Club To Raffle Off A Big Ole Hummer

Tickets now available for the big ol' Hummer Raffle

Springfield, MO—Queen City gentlemen’s club patrons are all a titter over the rumor that an establishment is planning to sell chances resulting in one lucky patron taking home a big ole Hummer. Long time pole-dancer aficionado Don Mackerainny told FCN, “This is even better than the all-you-can-eat happy hour idea we was hearin’ about.” He continued, “Now I know how that Willie Wanka kid, Charlie must have felt.”

Just which establishment intends to sell the ‘golden’ ticket remains a tight-lipped secret but insiders tell FCN, “the competition is fierce because as everyone knows a really good Hummer, particularly with low miles and a tight rear-end is extremely hard to find.” Mackerainny reasoned, “Every time I frequent my favorite strip-club I am amazed at the power a dollar bill still has, especially in rough economic times.” Grinning ear-to-ear he concluded, “But to have a shot at a big ole Hummer too, now that is pretty darn special.”

Local strip-club artist Chitty Bang-Bang said, “I know change is scary and always hard to swallow but giving away a big ole Hummer fits our business model perfectly and makes lots of sense.” She went on, “Old school lap-dances are fine and definitely plump the bottom-line, but with my recent hip replacement it was getting more and more difficult for me to meet sales goals.  She concluded, “In this competitive environment you have to stroke the customer once in a while; the big ole Hummer promotion should do it nicely.”

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