All Entries Tagged With: "California"
“Poison Hy-Vee” Spreads Through the Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Thousands of Ozarkians have been infected with a disease commonly known as “Poison Hy-Vee”, a mild form of curiosity preceded by high amounts of anticipation and feverishly high expectations. “Oh, man, I can’t wait to go to the new Hy-Vee store on Battlefield Street,” said Norma Jillonsap as she scratched her […]
Billy Long Jumps Into Presidential Race; Causes 5.8 Earthquake
Springfield, MO – According to members of his staff, US Congressman Billy Long has jumped into the Presidential Race with both feet, triggering a terrifying and destructive 5.8 magnitude earthquake in Washington, D.C. this week. “When I heard Billy Long was now it the race, my whole body shook with fear,” said Norma Henkly who […]
We Are Free but We Are Fat
We are the fattest nation in the world…free, happy and proud…but fat. We actually have shows about it. These shows, in a way, glorify the “big people.” These shows take a bunch of fatties that have obviously been “living large” and now are crying about it…all the while, the skinny [bitchy] little trainers get off […]
Blunt Campaigns In Arizona
Springfield MO and Phoenix AZ-Senate hopeful Roy Blunt from Springfield Missouri is now running campaign ads showing how he is helping the people of Arizona, California, and Texas by leading the fight against illegal immigration. Tony Trueblood, Blunt’s senior political adviser, says that there is no motivation other than political emotion for Roy Blunt to […]
Local Gentlemen’s Club To Raffle Off A Big Ole Hummer
Springfield, MO—Queen City gentlemen’s club patrons are all a titter over the rumor that an establishment is planning to sell chances resulting in one lucky patron taking home a big ole Hummer. Long time pole-dancer aficionado Don Mackerainny told FCN, “This is even better than the all-you-can-eat happy hour idea we was hearin’ about.” He […]
