FCN Employee Fired After Un-Funny Statement

Williams packs up his un-funny box

Springfield MO -  John Williams a 12 year employee of Fair City News was fired today for non funny statements made to a local television station.  According to questionable sources John Williams was walking his dog in Phelps Grove Park when he was approached by a reporter from KOLR channel 10.  The reporter asked him how he was enjoying the nice fall weather.  Williams replied, “I enjoy looking at the changes in trees and watching the squirrels run around.”  Those statements were then broadcast on the six and ten o’clock news.
The FCN Human Resource Manager, Nina Headley, issued the following statement concerning the termination of the long time employee.  “Management felt that Mr. Williams statement did not follow the culture of being funny at Fair City News.  He could have answered the question in any number of ways such as, “I can’t wait for the next ice storm to get rid of these trees and then there are countless jokes about squirrels running around gathering their nuts.  It was Mr. Williams choice not to say a funny statement that goes against all the principles FCN stands for.”
Bob Coopla, a political science instructor at Missouri State University said Williams went beyond his role as a satirical-humor journalist by voicing his own non funny opinion.  “His statement was very sloppy,” Coopla said, “It seemed that he was deliberately trying to be serious.  People in that role should not express personal views on any media outlets.  I am sure Fair City News has ethical guidelines that have to be maintained.”
Fair City News had the following final comment, “We wish John Williams the best of luck in the future.  We hope that he seeks counseling for his statements so nothing like this will embarrass himself or his family again.”

Once word of Williams dismissal was announced, he was immediately hired by Springfield’s City Utility.  In his new position he will be the head writer for all statements released by the utility at a salary of $300,000. a year.  CU spokesman John Quitty had the following comments,  “We believe that John Williams many years of writing utter nonsense that people take hook, line and sinker is a valuable asset for us.  Considering all of the stuff we do, John is the perfect fit for us and at a reasonable price at that.”

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  1. Allen Marsh says:

    I was unaware that he was affiliated with Fair City News. I’ve always admired his work, especially on the “Star Wars” and “Superman” scores, and as conductor of the Boston Pops. I do wonder whether it was short-sighted of you not to have him compose a FCN theme before sacking him.

  2. Dave says:

    CASTER, the Council on American Squirrel and Tree Existential Relationships, issued a statement claiming credit for the firing.

  3. Dave says:

    Comedy Central should hire Williams. Any channel that thinks Stewart and Colbert are funny should be eager to hire this guy.