Springfield Initiates Goth Relocation Program

Construction has relocated Goth and Vamps from the square

Springfield, MO – Under the guise of center city beautification, the city of Springfield quietly began the first phase of it’s long term plan to eradicate downtown undesirables. The square has been fenced off and bulldozers have started to rip up sidewalks, steps and benches once perched upon by the city’s indigenous Goth and Vampire cults. Critics have accused the town council of borderline ethnic cleansing.

“Man, like, where are we supposed to go? Downtown was, like, our place. At the base of the fountain right over there, I received my fourth level dark overlordshipness. HHHOOORRRK!” said Leonard Smiley, while hexing a bucket loader. Leonard goes by the name Succubus Nightpuff to his other Square residents.

City board member Astor Cromley denied allegations of the beautification plans having an ulterior motive. “We’ve been working to restore the historic town square back to it’s original design in hopes to lure more normal people downtown. Of course this will force some local inhabitants to adjust to the new amenities. If they’re still not happy with the results once completed, there are plenty of concrete steps on the Branson Landing to congregate. Freaks.”

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