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“Who Want’s to Be Deported?” to be Filmed in SGF

 

All Jose ever did was back-breaking work for less than minimum wage

Springfield, Mo. -  City leaders have announced the first episode of a new show from the National Broadcast Company (NBC) will be filmed in Springfield this fall.  In coordination with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), the new show will be called ‘Let’s Get You ‘Legal’’.  Featuring undocumented aliens who will be given eight minutes each to display talents and generally convince the studio and viewing audience they should be allowed to stay in the U.S. legally, one NBC executive described the show as an exciting mix of American Idol and Jerry Springer with a little bit of Oprah.

The audience is given three options for voting on each contestant; give them a green card; hold over for further administrative review; deport them on the spot.  Compellation of the votes and all final decisions will be based on a complicated and confusing set of criteria.  ICE agents will be on hand to execute all decisions.  Agents explained the show will be a great help to ease a backlog of cases.  “We think the American people will be a better judge of who should stay and who should go than any government bureaucrat would be” commented one ICE official.

A spokesman for NBC added that Green Card winners would be given an e-verify waiver certificate, an English-Spanish dictionary and a ticket to the Tony Orlando Theater in Branson.  Contestants held over for further administrative review would receive a free Taco Bell ‘five dollar deal box’ and two nights free at the No Tell Motel in Nixa.  Deportees would receive a clean long sleeve shirt, a shovel from the Old Cabin Depot and a courtesy ride to the border.

Officials for the city of Springfield said they could hardly turn down any chance to make some money and emphasized that everything would be absolutely legal.  A spokesman for MSU mentioned it would bring in some much needed revenue for the ‘Q’ where the premiere show would be taped amid extra security.  One of the fifteen members of the local vigilante group, Speedy Guys, indicated they would try to get a petition to stop the whole thing.  “It sounds like some kind of amnesty.  We may be old and cranky, but this is something we’ll get up for, for sure.  We have plenty of native born criminals we could pardon and many of them of them already speak a local dialect of English.  In our opinion foreigners need to remain illegal because they have no business being here in the first place.”  Unauthorized aliens who would like to be a contestant on the show are urged to contact the nearest ICE office.

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  1. Dave says:

    Meanwhile, the commander in chief over federal law enforcement has stated he is sick and tired of all these states and villages trying to help and support his efforts to enforce federal laws. He has sent out a memo to all federal prosecutors to sue the pants off anybody who thinks they can hate illegal immigrants more than their federal government can. That’s just slander. And besides, if anybody thinks the federal government is too incompetent to do it, just why do they think their city government is any more competent? All we really need to do is make those billionaires who earn more than $200,000 a year pay more than 35% in federal income taxes (and I’m including those guys working on your car who must be making obscene profits.) and everyone of our big problems will go away. But I digress.