Mighty Blue Beacon Lost in Night’s Sky

Illuminated cross no longer leads infirm to infirmary

Springfield, MO – Local ambulances, patients and hospital visitors to St. John’s have had extreme difficulty locating the healthcare institution since the giant illuminated cross has been extinguished atop the structure. The cross served as a beacon of sorts, leading the infirm to a place of healing and hope.

“I wandered the black night searching for medical attention; usually I just followed the soft blue glow of the St. John’s cross when I had medical issues in the past. Now I just found myself at a Braum’s drive though menu, asking for an extra-large suture and a Diet Coke,” said Sue Wompings.

Sources indicate that over 52 ambulance missions were diverted or misguided due to the loss of the “lighthouse of the hospice”. Hospital officials hope that the larger-than-life neon display will be back up and running soon as traffic has been down 52% over the past week.

“We rely on the large blue cross for those with illness or injury to find immediate medical treatment. Since it has been down we’ve been slow, but we’ve also had a lot of fun. Doctors and nurses are having wheelchair races, playing darts with syringes and even played spin the Tylenol bottle,” said janitor Ned Timmons.

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