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Beer Tank Swim at Brew Co!

Man enjoys swim in beer tank

Springfield, MO – To celebrate beer, the Springfield Brewing Company is selling raffle tickets for a 15-minute swim in their beer tanks this week. The tickets are prices at $40 and all proceeds go toward the “Help a White Man Dance” foundation. Participants are excited at the opportunity to actually swim in beer.

“Hellz yez, I’ll buy a ticket! I’ll buy them all if I could!” said Ian Scheffler, a man who dreams of swimming in beer, “I’d swim down to the bottom of the tank and try to drink my way to the top.” Labeled the Drunk Tank event, the tickets’ fine print point out that those selected should exercise caution when entering the vats.

“With great opportunity comes great responsibility. This is the chance of a lifetime. To swim in gallons and gallons of beer is a manchild’s dream and one lucky enough to experience it should treat it with respect,” said one official. “Also we’ll have multiple winners but only one stainless steel brewer available for swimming. If you are the luckiest of the luckies, you’ll be drawn to go first and not have to put up with sloppy seconds.”

Jeremy Popinski said, “I don’t care if I have to slurp up the filthy thirds of 40 other men, if I win a chance to dunk myself in brew aka Scrooge McDuck in money, I’m all in!” The event plans to attract hundreds of would be participants and observers.

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  1. Dave says:

    Remember if you’re caught swimming in beer after 2:00 am in downtown Springfield, you are subject to a blast of Thomas A Swift’s Electric Rifle.