Springfield, MO- Sarah Steelman, one of the 3 candidates for the Republican senate seat, set an elaborate trap for her competition a week ago hoping to seal the nomination. Steelman invited Todd Adkin and John Brunner to a dinner at her Mark Twain Forest hunting lodge. The other candidates gladly accepted, thinking the main topic would be McCaskill’s fundraising and her insidious plans for the money.
The guest where treated to a dinner of Elk steak, mountain lion chops, and unicorn rump roast. During the dinner of meat, whiskey, and cigar smoke Sarah told the men that politics may be a dangerous game, but she told them that there is a much dangerous one: hunting other men.
Todd and John then hurriedly ran out of the hunting lodge into the woods after being tossed a back pack filled with necessary supplies: a random weapon, water, protein bars, and a Sarah Steelman pamphlet detailing her plan for Missouri. Sarah then stalked the men through the hundred acre game preserve with her cross bow and bowie knife.
The men tried numerous tactics to survive the horrific night: building simple traps, hiding under logs, and avoiding tracker jackers. Luckily both men made to the boundary by overloading the circuits on the mechanical fence by tossing a “butt-load” of squirrels at it.
“I felt like I was in the young adult novel “The Hunger Games,” said Adkin. “At one point the an arrow flew right by my head. Here I am trying to serve the American people and Katniss Oakley was going for the kill shot.”
Brunner was unable to comment because he just quietly paints and sobs softly during art therapy.
With the other candidates either emotionally unable or too scared sh*tless to run against Steelman, she is gunning for McCaskill.
“I am coming for you,” says Steelman while putting black paint under her eyes. “And I am going to love you put you on my trophy case.
Filed Under: Politics
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