Springfield, MO- Traffic was at a stand still when a truck filled with 70 head of cattle was overturned on US Highway 60. Although the incident has been ruled accidental, many authorities believe it was the handy work of over zealous cow tippers.
“Cow tipping has been escalating for some time now,” said Detective Randals of the Missouri Anti-Cow Tipping Division. “And when they get wind of a truck filled with cow, it is just too tempting. We had an armed escort follow the truck just in case, but they had some decoy pick ups that distracted us.”
Experts speculate the tipping was probably done by one of the more extreme groups such as the CTO (Cow Tipping Organization) or Al Tip-cow. The groups have been around for years and over the decades they have gotten more bold. The groups first start tipping cows by hand, then hiring football players to knock down the cows, and finally lining the cows up like a domino’s for miles then toppling them one by one for mile.
“We are terrified what will happen,” Dr. Veronica Childers who has a PhD in Red Neck Game-ology. “We are thinking they are going to buy 200 head of cattle, fly them to an earthquake susceptible area, and let nature take its course. These people are monsters and we have to stop them.”
After the Highway 60 incident the MACTD has stepped up operations to stop the groups. Tactics include infiltrating the groups with overall wearing undercover agents, giving cows anti-tipping leg braces, and putting some cows in the witness protection agency by dressing them up as chickens.
“We are going to stop them,” said Detective Randals. “I swear to God I will not rest until they brought to justice. Or not. Who cares, they are freaking cows.”
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