All Entries in the "Crime" Category
One Arrest During 700-Person Brawl
Springfield, MO—It took nearly 50 police officers to settle a brawl involving hundreds of people in downtown Springfield this past weekend leading to one arrest and one pissed police chief. According to the Springfield Police Department the incident began at about 12:45 a.m. with a fight among a large group of people inside Remmingtons Downtown. [...]
G-Team Van Spotted in Springfield
Springfield, MO—Protecting the innocent and shielding others from danger is the job of the G-Team. Fashioned after the original cast of military misfits that formed the A-Team—made popular by the 80’s television action show—the G-Team provides protection for Springfieldians but removed a few times from the original soldiers of fortune. “They’re the G-Team because they’re [...]
Hobby Lobby Robbery: A Crime in Rhyme
Springfield, MO—Police have issued the following prose in order to catch the thief that Hobby Lobby does oppose. According to police, the Hobby Lobby on Kearney Street was blindsided by a woman, a cheat. She was spotted emptying her purse in the trunk of her car, then entered the store—step one for the burglar. After [...]
10,000 Cigarettes Reward Offered
Marshfield, MO—A reward of free smokes is now offered for help solving an arson fire at an area tobacco shop. The business was set afire last month and so far officials are baffled as to the arsonist, however, a motive has been identified. A note was left at the scene that read “Fire-crotch butt smoke”. [...]
Bailiff Busted: Removes Self From Courtroom
Bentonville, AR—Three-and-a-half months since her first arrest, a county bailiff was taken into custody again on Sunday effectively removing her from her former position within the court system. Reportedly, 35-year-old Roz Russell was driving recklessly at around 3:00 a.m. She was pulled over a by a deputy and then refused to submit to an intoxication [...]
Lawn Mower Racer Arrested for DUI
CARTERVILLE, MO—A slobbering, stinky man has been charged with racing a lawn mower while sipping on grandpa’s cough syrup. Police Chief Howard says Jamie Dennison, 47, was arrested Friday on an overpass of Missouri 171 at Carterville, north of Joplin. Howard says Dennison, who lives in a trailer near Carterville, has a revoked driver’s license [...]
Couple Asked to Light Heads on Fire After Transporting Teens in Trunk
Lebanon, MO—Two people from Lebanon have been asked to light their heads on fire after police say they tried to drive home with three kids stuffed in a car trunk. Investigators say Cindy Feltner, 21, and Dustin McDonald, 18, were dumb enough to make a terrible mistake once, so they are likely to do it [...]
Suspect Confuses Life with Grand Theft Auto Series
Stone County, MO—An attempted home invasion ended in a high speed chase, the chase of a detective’s car and a video game simulation. Deputies responded to a home on Highway 248, to check a report of a home invasion. They arrested a suspect and placed that character in the front seat of a detective’s automobile, [...]
Escaped Inmates Caught In Branson Attractions
Branson, MO—Four inmates who escaped from Oklahoma on Thursday were caught Friday in Branson. Because, if you ever escape from prison you should go directly to Branson, MO where dreams come true. The men were caught in pairs at different times of the day in various tourist attractions. Two were stopped on West Missouri 76 [...]
Borat Busts Branson Slave Trade
According to the U.S. attorney for the Western District of Missouri, a federal indictment in Kansas City claims defendants used false information to obtain fake work visas for foreign workers, who were then threatened with deportation while living in substandard apartments and working for inadequate pay. “High five!” said international reporter Borat Sagdiyev, after he [...]
Fuzz Challenge Drunks to Dodge Saturation
Buffalo, MO—Missouri Highway Patrol Troop D will conduct four driving-while-intoxicated saturations in Dallas County in June, July, and August with no element of surprise. So if you’re planning to drink those months in that area well, let this serve as a heads-up. Areas selected for enforcement are based on a high number of drinking-related traffic [...]
Two Women Use Jedi Mind Trick To Rob Joplin Businesses
Joplin, MO—Police are looking for two women who stole a train suspension system from the F A G Bearings plant on Tuesday night. Police said one of the women posed as a F A G employee and the second played the role of customer. The duo also reportedly made off with a 52-inch, flat-screen Samsung [...]
Portrait Packages Available at County Jail
Monday the Greene County Sheriff’s Office unveiled a new Web site containing the booking photo and charge information for inmates in the Greene County Jail. Now the Green County Jail is offering a portrait package for those wanting to capture their memories inside the slammer. The Greene County Sheriff’s Office on Tuesday announced a new [...]
Pirates Captured at Bearded Clam
Kimberling City, MO—Seven Somali pirates were captured yesterday by Dutch naval forces, who also freed 80 captive audience members of the Showboat Branson Belle, Missouri Water Patrol officials say. The Dutch forces followed the pirates, who had launched a successful attack on the Showboat Branson Belle, as they docked at the popular Table Rock Lake [...]
Pirate Site Sues Pirates
The Pirate Bay is suing the Somali pirates who moved to the Ozarks, hijacked the Showboat Branson Belle, and claimed former party cove as Pirate Cove. The Pirate Bay is suing the Somali pirates claiming copyright infringement. The Pirate Bay is a Swedish website that indexes and tracks BitTorrent (.torrent) files. It bills itself as [...]
