Archive for 2014
#GrowMO Blimp Gets High Man, So High
Springfield, MO – Locals were treated to an aerial suggestion to grow mo’ weed yesterday as the #GrowMO blimp canvased the metro area of Springfield, Missouri. Most drivers were mesmerized by the flying dirigible and began following it in their vehicles to its landing spot at the downtown airport. “The traffic was crazy. A freakin’ […]
Queen Moves In To Grand Palace
Branson, MO – British rock band, Queen is moving into the Grand Palace fulfilling both the need for a stadium rock group that appeals to a younger generation and a clever ploy to place rock royalty into a palatial venue. After years of sitting empty, the Grand Palace will feature the latest version of the […]
Buffett Dealership Purchase Excites Parrotheads
Springfield, MO – Rumors are circulating that areas dealerships will soon be decorated with pirate and beach paraphernalia after a major purchase by Mr. Buffett. “I’m really excited that Jimmy Buffet is now an owner of dealers in the area,” said Nate Flegflop of Springfield, “I think a little island fun will increase sales of […]
Assassinations Feared as Ninja-Warrior Gym Opens
Springfield, MO – Citizens across the region are expressing concern over the opening of Warrior Sports that features similar obstacles and training in order to strengthen and produce American Ninja Warriors here in the Ozarks. “I don’t believe that we should be encouraging our young people to become covert agents or mercenaries,” said Helen Figrothberg […]
Venice of the Ozarks Briefly Revealed
Springfield, MO – Yesterday flood rains dissected the city of Springfield into a group of 118 small islands separated by canals and for a few moments Springfield existed as the Venice of the Ozarks, further verifying the city as one of the most important tourist destinations in the world. Before the deluge of rain, Springfield, […]
MSU Provost Finally Exacts Revenge
Springfield, MO – In what’s being labeled as “an act thirty seven years in the making”, Missouri State University Provost and Vice Chairman of Bureaucratic Affairs Manfred Finnegan is being hailed as both “a visionary in the art of revenge” and “possibly the worst person to ever exist” as a result of his decision to […]
Mobile Car Compactor Solves MSU Parking Problem
Springfield, MO – Missouri State University officials acknowledged campus parking has been causing extra challenges this fall, because of more students and new construction so they have implemented a plan to bring in a mobile car compactor to help alleviate parking congestion. “When I hear a complaint that says there is no where to park, […]
Clif Smart to Twerk @ MSU Blackout
Springfield, MO – After crowd surfing at the newly renovated Plaster Stadium, Clif Smart has vowed to twerk during Saturday’s 6:00 pm Bears home opener vs. North Dakota if the new student section is packed out for Saturday night’s “Blackout”. Smart set the stage by crowd surfing earlier this week and claimed to raise the […]
MUSEUM OF AMBULANCE CHASING HISTORY SLATED FOR SPRINGFIELD
Springfield, MO – Boasting more accident-injury law firms per capita than any other city in the nation, The Springfield Chamber of Commerce has announced groundbreaking plans for a museum dedicated to preserving and honoring the history of the wildly profitable branch of law once cynically dubbed “Ambulance Chasing”. I. (Ichabod) Slipp, CEO of the future […]
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Man/wolf Hybrid Escapes Pen
The Baxter County Sheriff’s Office is alerting the public about a man/wolf hybrid mix that got out of its pen this afternoon in the area of 1934 CR 645 in the Buford area. At approximately 3:31 PM today, the Sheriff’s Office received a call from the owner of the man/wolf stating that it was no […]
Ferguson Flash Mob Dance Cancelled
Ferguson, MO – Organizers of a charitable flash mob have cancelled plans for the event which was to be held this Saturday. The group was planning to assemble suddenly in a public place near downtown Ferguson to perform an interpretive dance to “Call Me Maybe” in order to bring attention to a nearby charity. “We […]
Mike the Intern: August
Summer is coming to a close, which means school is just around the corner. So to help you out with your book, school supplies, and clothes buying blues, I have made a list of some great school songs. Enjoy. STAY FREE – THE CLASH Mick wrote this song after reminiscing about a school mate who ended up in […]
