MSU Provost Finally Exacts Revenge

Springfield, MO – In what’s being labeled as “an act thirty seven years in the making”, Missouri State University Provost and Vice Chairman of Bureaucratic Affairs Manfred Finnegan is being hailed as both “a visionary in the art of revenge” and “possibly the worst person to ever exist” as a result of his decision to […]

Mobile Car Compactor Solves MSU Parking Problem

Springfield, MO – Missouri State University officials acknowledged campus parking has been causing extra challenges this fall, because of more students and new construction so they have implemented a plan to bring in a mobile car compactor to help alleviate parking congestion. “When I hear a complaint that says there is no where to park, […]

Clif Smart to Twerk @ MSU Blackout

Springfield, MO – After crowd surfing at the newly renovated Plaster Stadium, Clif Smart has vowed to twerk during Saturday’s 6:00 pm Bears home opener vs. North Dakota if the new student section is packed out for Saturday night’s “Blackout”. Smart set the stage by crowd surfing earlier this week and claimed to raise the […]

MUSEUM OF AMBULANCE CHASING HISTORY SLATED FOR SPRINGFIELD

Springfield, MO – Boasting more accident-injury law firms per capita than any other city in the nation, The Springfield Chamber of Commerce has announced groundbreaking plans for a museum dedicated to preserving and honoring the history of the wildly profitable branch of law once cynically dubbed “Ambulance Chasing”. I. (Ichabod) Slipp, CEO of the future […]

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    Man/wolf Hybrid Escapes Pen

    The Baxter County Sheriff’s Office is alerting the public about a man/wolf hybrid mix that got out of its pen this afternoon in the area of 1934 CR 645 in the Buford area. At approximately 3:31 PM today, the Sheriff’s Office received a call from the owner of the man/wolf stating that it was no […]

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    Ferguson Flash Mob Dance Cancelled

    Ferguson, MO – Organizers of a charitable flash mob have cancelled plans for the event which was to be held this Saturday. The group was planning to assemble suddenly in a public place near downtown Ferguson to perform an interpretive dance to “Call Me Maybe” in order to bring attention to a nearby charity. “We […]

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    Mike the Intern: August

    Summer is coming to a close, which means school is just around the corner. So to help you out with your book, school supplies, and clothes buying blues, I have made a list of some great school songs. Enjoy. STAY FREE – THE CLASH    Mick wrote this song after reminiscing about a school mate who ended up in […]

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    Fantastic Sam’s Caverns Opening July 2015

    Springfield, MO – After much debate, locals and tourists alike are rejoicing at the announcement/agreement that has merged two beloved pastimes – haircuts and cave tours to form Fantastic Sam’s Caverns. The new twist on the cro-magnon hipster movement is all the rage with young Springfieldians and history buffs alike. Fantastic Sam’s Caverns will offer […]

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    Fail Sign August

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    SnakeOil

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    First Day of School Cancelled Due to Snow

    Springfield, MO – Children across the Ozarks were thrilled to learn that the first day of school has been cancelled due to an imposing threat of snowy weather. Officials claim that the trend which extended the school year into late spring has resurfaced. “We saw a weather pattern yesterday that indicated a 2% chance of […]

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    Missourians’ Right to Breathe upheld on Tuesday

    Constitutional Amendment 86, known informally as the Right to Breathe Act, and known even more informally as “The Hot Air Bill,” passed by an undeniable majority at the polls this Tuesday. The bill—on the ballot alongside other amendments concerning gun control restrictions, factory farms, and internet privacy—upholds a god-given right that was in no way actually […]

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    Dozens of Homes Robbed During National Night Out Event

    Springfield, MO – Several families returned home after attending the National Night Out event to find that their homes had been ransacked by criminals while the homeowners were out meeting local law enforcement, fire departments and other organizations during America’s Night Out Against Crime at Meador Park. The annual event, focused on safety and crime […]

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