Local Senior Wondering When Dillons Will Be Open

Springfield, MO – Local senior Nancy Newman once again drove her 1994 Buick Regal through the parking lot of the old Dillons on West Kearney wondering when exactly the long time grocery chain would be open again. “I’ve been coming every day since December 24 trying to buy my Metamucil and soap opera digest magazines.” […]

KHS Unveils New Cafeteria & Mascot Name: Poochies

Springfield, MO – Recent renovations revealed a new gathering space and new rally cry for the Chiefs of Kickapoo High School: Poochies was released as a new catch-phrase during the cafeteria grand opening and several students and alumni are mixed on the subliminal announcement. “I mean ‘poochie’ is a term of endearment but I don’t […]

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Iconic Solo Cup to be Painted Red, Shipped to Toby Keith

Springfield, MO – According to the developer, musician Toby Keith has agreed to purchase and ship the iconic giant concrete Solo Cup at 1100 North Glenstone in Springfield saving it from demolition. Keith plans to paint the cup red and relocate it to Dream Walkin’ Farms, his 160-acre ranch, outside of Norman, Okla. Keith said, […]

Bucktoothed, Barefoot Baby Born in Ozarks Somehow Surprises

Branson, MO – Doctors were seemingly surprised by a recent birth when the child appeared with a head-start on life in the Ozarks: barefoot and bucktoothed. The chances of a child representing over 80 percent of the population are one in 3,000 according to the US National Library of Medicine. “When we saw the baby […]

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    Customers Complain about USPS Cuts via Email/Social Media/Instant Message

      Springfield, MO – Thousands of angry USPS customers are taking to electronic media to complain about the recent budget cuts forcing delay of first class deliveries. Hours after the announcement, several “save the USPS” sites appeared on Facebook and the hashtag #saveUSPS began trending on Twitter. “How are we supposed to communicate with our […]

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    Snake Oil

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    Mike the Intern Breaks it Down

    NOW THAT WE HAVE FINALLY CELEBRATED THANKSGIVING, ITS TIME TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. NOW IF YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO DECIDE ITS OK TO SETUP YOUR CHRISTMAS STUFF BEFORE THANKSGIVING WELL, I HATE YOU. PLEASE REFRAIN FROM DOING THIS NEXT YEAR BECAUSE THANKSGIVING IS THE BEST HOLIDAY AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH. NOW […]

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    Motivational Speaker: Mike McMichaelson

    A Keen Observation from Mr. Mike McMichaelson: Adult Hugs There is no way to avoid these extremely awkward adult salutations.  While 20 years ago when you saw a friend, you might wave or maybe shake their hand.  Well folks, the shake is gone and the adult hug is here to stay.  I have compiled a […]

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    Downscale Housing Development Announced

    Springfield, MO – Not to be outdone by exclusive, upscale residential developments cropping up on the outskirts of Springfield, a local developer has broken ground on a new, but not-so-country-club-atmosphere neighborhood. The Gulleys at Ferrell Hog has entered its first phase of development now that real estate speculator, Bub Coy, has finalized purchase of the […]

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    MSU Opens Community Catbox

    Springfield, MO – Though it will be used in the summer as a sand volleyball court, MSU athletic department officials  have come to an agreement with CCLS (Crazy Cat Ladies of Springfield), to utilize the new, enormous sand pit as a gathering place in the off season for both stray and kept cats in Central […]

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    Snake Oil

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    Cold Prevents Zombie Uprising

    Springfield, MO – Insiders learned that hundreds of undead have postponed plans to overtake Springfield, MO due to frigid temperatures during a breach in a zombie gathering today beneath the city in a tunnel near downtown. “I hear them say ‘too cold’ and ‘postpone’ in between disjointed moans,” said Alex Lopinop, a zombie hunter and […]

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    Persimmon Chopsticks Seed Indicate GODZILLA!

    Springfield, MO – According to weather folklore, the seed of a persimmon can give clues about an upcoming winter’s weather patterns; the fork, knife and spoon shapes are indicators to what winter may hold. However, this fall the seeds have yielded a rare shape, the chopsticks, and speculation is rampant as horticulturists try to find […]

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